Monday, May 30, 2005

:: Change is the only constant ::

i found my dad's document drawer ajar in his wardrobe.. so being the nosy daughter i am, i peeked in and found some interesting things..

old passports, important letters, yellowed O levels result slips, a stingray leather wallet he bought and never used.. and i also found some letters and birthday cards my mum wrote for him on his birthdays, dated '84 and '85 - when they were newlyweds.

my mum was very sweet. she had written him a letter in a notebook, with just a few words on each page. she filled up about 90% of it with things she wanted to tell my father. i was glad to have discovered that my mum's virtues of patience and diligence didn't only come about after she became a mother, but nurtured since childhood.

i knew my parents loved each other deeply. few of us as children ever know much about our parents' courtship or more importantly, what went through their minds. when i was young, my parents made married life look easy, and i depended on them for dear life. they had given me so much guidance that without them, i wouldn't be half the person i was today. God has blessed me with a wonderful family that was dependable, happy, honourable and respected by our relatives and friends alike.

they say change is the only constant. but i'd rather two things not change... the change from good to bad and the change from bad to worse. if change really is the new constant, then this world really is a very scary place to live in. because change is the new constant, we are subjected to so much volatility. change can be a blessing, but it can also be a curse.

however, change will always be inevitable. and i always try my best to find a blessing in every change that occurs. more importantly, no matter how much this world changes, no matter how much my father has changed, i know that there's a never-changing God who has been who He is since the beginning of time and will always be who He is for eternity. if i have to thank God for just one thing today, i thank Him that He's always faithful and true. there's no one in this world i'd trust more, not even Lee Kuan Yew. (hey it rhymes~)

i thank God for being never-changing, but also never out-of-date.

i'm getting a deja-vu. have i blogged about this before?

anyhoo.. change for the worse does help us rely on God more doesn't it.. and its comforting to know that no matter how low a point our lives reach, God will always catch us and help us get to our feet again. as 19th-century pastor Joseph Parker says, "I have touched the bottom, and it is sound."

Monday, May 23, 2005

:: Die already lah.. ::

ok.. i don't like to publicise things.. be it on my msn nick or blog.. but this is desperate because it's already.... may 22nd.. so here goes..

TPJC Choir Concert
June 4th 7:30pm
Victoria Concert Hall

Tickets: $12 for stall and $15 for circle seats

the small-numbered amadeus choir has to sell.. 130 tickets? mee-siam impossible i tell you.. but if you're interested, can just find me.. =)

btw, for what it's worth.... i'll be singing. heh.

Saturday, May 21, 2005

:: Feelings ::

didn't really want to blog about this.. but if i don't, it probably defeats the purpose of having a blog..

tomorrow is College Day. i'd be awarded Student Of The Year.. and a bunch of other things.. its supposed to be a good day for me.. a day to be proud of, to be happy, excited and full of smiles..

why am i dreading it then? principal speech? boring prize-giving? long, draggy program? maybe a little of all the above, but.. my mum has apparently gotten pissed off over the fact that my dad wants to attend.

its something so simple, attending College Day. MY day. they should go for ME, as proud parents who are happy for the achievements of their DAUGHTER. since when did i become exclusive to one parent? since when did the other not have the right to be proud of me, despite of what he has done?

i just want one last photo of myself and both my parents, smiling for the camera just like years ago. during happier days. i miss them, but they're only memories for me to keep. am i asking for too much? she doesn't have to talk to him. hell, she doesn't even have to SIT with him for all i care.

but, i understand. i understand if she's angry.. i'm just.. sad.

english teachers always told us to add variety to our vocabulary, particularly when writing a composition. "don't always use sad! it's very boring if you keep repeating the same adjective. make your compo more interesting and engaging by using alternatives like moody, gloomy, upset, vexed, unhappy...."

but right now i'm just sad. sad is a raw emotion, who can blame it for its overusage? when you're emotional, everything you feel goes back to the basics doesn't it? more often than not, it's probably something you can't even put words to. that's when your emotions become the most real. u see my unkymoods picture over there? if you took away the picture, its likely that you wouldn't have as clear an idea about how i feel. if i'd just insert "elated" or "normal" without the cute face, it would have been vague. the picture brings across that extra something the word is not able to. real emotions cannot be expressed with words. we need pictures, analogies.... actions. that's when emotions are at its purest.

sad people tend to digress. might as well finish up here.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

:: Irony ::





the poor piggies..

visited the zoo today with joanna, her sis and her sis' bf..

more photos in awhile.. but we had ben and jerry's there and it was suuuper duper nice.

i've always loved animals.. sometimes i'd tune in to animal planet on scv and watch our furry, scaley, slimy friends and their antics.. but nothing beats watching them in real-life-action. i even thought the poo smelt good, and proclaimed myself a true nature lover when i felt HAPPY over the mosquito bites on my legs.

it must really be fun to be a zookeeper.. i certainly wouldn't mind. it's far better than office work, that's for sure. with animals there's no politics, no backstabbing, no gossip.. and they're really cute! i didn't emerge from the zoo a vegetarian but i've learnt lots more about animals lah.. and found out that there are nature-friendly spots in singapore after all.. nothing to boast of but green enough for me.

roamed bugis twice consecutively these 2 days. bought a skirt yest while out with val and a top today when i went with jo. my outfit for college day is finally taken care of.. am not exactly a skirt-blouse-and-shoes person.. more of a denim-skirt-tshirt-slippers person, which definitely wouldn't pass. managed to get funky pieces but yet keep the outfit safe i guess..

the penguins were a joy to watch. hehheh.. penguin meat......

Monday, May 16, 2005

:: When storms billow.. ::

i actually had quite an eventful day yesterday.. with bible study and a very re4 nao4 choir practice at siglap. but the one thing i remember most vividly about yesterday.....

was the weather.

boy, was the thunder scary. i remember reading blogs nonchalantly on my comp when all of a sudden..

ZAP ZAP!!!

my house blacked out.

i let out a shrill scream. no, wait, i let out two. my comp suddenly switched off in front of me and the whole room went pitch black.. looking back, it was really dumb to have freaked out.. but at that moment, i couldn't take the shock.. my bro also went "ahh! ahh!" in his semi-broken-out-of-tune voice. my fault.

shaking, i clung onto my brother, and we made our way to the kitchen to find mom rummaging the cupboard for a torch light.. alas, none of them were loaded with batteries. tsk tsk.. we're not prepared for emergencies at all..

thankfully there's something called handphone light.

even after the incident, i couldn't go to sleep cos the sky was flashing like a disco club, with "music" to boot, so i began telling my mum and bro abt why there's lightning and thunder, and about how the nitrogen molecules split up and blah blah..

a science lecture! the best sleep-inducing medication around, and it worked.

rmb the lame joke about why we see lightning first before hearing thunder... because our eyes are in front of our ears?

anyway i dreamt of ayumi through the night.. that she was a friend of mine and i was hosting her at my place. i remember offering her ice cream and asking "oishii desuka." i remember her replying "taihen oishii desu." then strangely enough, we found ourselves in a restaurant eating.. ramen with PENGUIN MEAT.

i think i had that dream cos my mum was complaining about me wasting her money on my jap classes.. so to defend myself i started spewing out jap sentences to her.. haha..

pretty weirded out right now.

Friday, May 13, 2005

:: My Photo-less Bangkok Trip.. ::

this is perhaps the first time i go on a holiday with no sight-seeing and returned with no photographs. i figured that most people have been to bangkok anyway, and i went on a purely-shopping trip, but the holiday was not without its moments..

first time travelling with a budget airline, JetStar Asia. the boarding pass was very budget indeed; an NTUC-receipt-looking piece of red paper, with advertisements on the back. i dropped it on the way to our gate but traced my way back and was relieved to find it still lying on the floor. i guess that's the good thing about boarding passes looking like receipts: nobody would bother to pick it up.

we checked in and went shopping right away. no tahm to waste. we also adopted my mantra of "no time to hesitate" throughout the shopping adventure and i spent $300 in 4 days. nothing much for some people but unprecedented for me. it's quite a thrill to be able to spend money and have price as a faraway issue. for one, i could shop without worrying about my finances because i had a fixed amount of money already, and secondly everything there is about half the price here. shoes went for 199 baht, earrings 15 baht a pair, and clothes were also at the 200-300 baht range. (currency exchange stood at 23.7 baht per S$ so you do the math.)

we visited the popular shopping areas like Chatuchak, MBK, Siam Square and Siam Center. shops were about 3m wide, which was highly disconcerting. i begin to realise the shops at far east are actually very spacious. think.. Bugis Village, just 3 times as crowded and half as wide. Chatuchak was the ultimate experience and i'm afraid there's no bigger maze in the whole of thailand. our local friend, Kaew, happily added that when it rains, rats and cockroaches join the crowd on the streets. boy, do they have company. the local people would react by.. well, not reacting at all. i'd probably freak out, so i was really thankful that the day at chatuchak was sunny. i'd rather get heatstroke than freak-out Fear Factor style. (i don't even get any monetary incentives)

we loved MBK so much, lor and i went there 3 times in 4 days. everytime we went, we found something to buy, and were always just as happy as when we first discovered the place. it's huuuge, and has so many shoe shops you're spoilt for choice.

days nua-ing in the hotel room were just as fun. we would order room service when we were feeling lazy. on the second night we had dim sum buffet at their restaurant. room service was nice, with sides of curly fries that i truly love. conversations went late into the night, ranging from fishes with lungs to SMU politics. we would bite into our subway sandwiches (subway opens 24 hrs there) and watch MTV or AXN. i'm beginning to love The Contender and i saw Gwen's Hollaback Girl mtv at least once a day. "This shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S."

we mostly travelled by foot, cab and mrt. they still use the old farecard gantries we used to have, but the gantries close really really fast so it was kinda freaky. their newer mrt lines that run underground use the ez-link system. for the one-trip tickets, they dispense cute little black tokens for you to beep. it's cute. our hotel was located near Nana station, and we never fail to crack up whenever the intercom announces "Nana". it does sound kinda funny. strangly enough, their train stations were also longer than the length of the trains, such that if you waited at the ends of the platform, the train would stop a distance away from you. a lesson learnt for us singaporeans when we go bangkok in future..... haha.

Kaew brought Loretta some durians too, on the last day. We went to Sampeng Wholesale Market located at their Chinatown and i've never seen that much earrings in my life. we had to buy by the dozens so we pooled together our stash to accumulate 12 pairs for each buy we made. they're pretty and cheap. pretty cheap!

Lor couldn't finish the durians and.. unfortunately they were also rock-hard for some unknown reason. she decided she would dispose of it because she could never possibly make it through to singapore with durians in her hand carry. bangkok dustbins were transparent for anti-terrorist reasons and when she threw the bag of durians down into the empty bin, there was a loud "KOK" sound. boy, the durian was hard. it was highly embarrassing indeed as the army guys on duty looked at her and the bag of durians sitting nonchalantly in the bin.

on the plane, air pressure had been a rather big issue for me. apart from the painful ears, my calbee potato chips bloated up due to the low pressure on the high altitude. when i opened my bottled water to take a sip, the air escaped in a fart-like manner. highly amusing indeed. with low pressure in my water bottle now, upon arriving at the airport, i found it compressed into a flat piece of plastic, as if all the air inside had been sucked out. highly amusing again.

somehow i feel that the trip was just as improper as this blog entry. i took no photos and ate only one meal of thai food. the only souvenier i brought back was the map of bangkok. but alas, the memories are for myself to keep. i came back with a stash of 3 pairs of shoes, 3 tops, 2 bags, dozens of earrings and gifts for my friends and family. i'd like to go there again sometime.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

I







AM









BACK!!!!

Saturday, May 07, 2005

:: Pre-departure ::

it's friday night! tmr i will .......

die lah.. had teh tarik just now.. prolly can't sleep tonight and i have to wake up at 645 for the morning flight.. however, i do believe all signs of fatigue will leave me once i arrive at the weekend market Chatuchak tmr.

Jean.. there weather very hot.. must drink water.. look after your money and passport properly. always stick together as a group also. don't drink their water, buy mineral water, and don't eat the food along the streets, may get stomach upset. everyday must call home hor.

to val: i hope that you'd be discharged and reading my blog b4 i return! get well soon girl! my prayers can cross boundaries from bangkok to spore one, don't worry. your health will always be on my mind even though i can't visit you.

to lydea: take care of val for me hor! buy u two good girls pressies from bangkok.

to my dearest p3: pls dun ostracise me while i'm away and don't go and anyhow take neoprints without me hor! i will be very sad one..

to leslie: find someone else to entertain you over the weekend. i'm sure you're not short of entertainers hehe.. i leave with you 2 mp3s in your gmail inbox so PLS GO AND CHECK UR MAIL. i will pray for your.. er.. rabbit.

to junyi: hey mr. grunge! i'll hunt for clothes for you in bangkok! happy belated bday!

to glenn: pls be careful when u walk under a tree.. not everyone is like Jean who would scrape bird poop off your sleeve with a dead leaf and not complain. hehe.. take care while i'm gone!

to the amadeus folks: sorry cannot come prac this weekend.. i try and bring back some tidbits from there to treat u all! (hint hint: come practice then can eat.)

to tree: ooo walah! *shakes hand* pls dun play sims until 4am. liver will spoil. pls don't eat so much cheesecake, stomach will spoil.

to my family who never reads this blog anyway: bye guys! i'll call home every night.

to my other friends whom i've not forgotten: take care while i'm gone and PLS MISS ME. sorry if i've missed anyone out.. *hangs head in shame*

last but not least, to God: Dear Lord, i brought my bible and ODB there. i will still do my quiet time! i pray that you would watch over us in bangkok and everyone back here. love you lots Daddy up above!! You're the 5th person going on this trip with us. Heck, You're omnipresent! haha..

bon voyage jean!

Friday, May 06, 2005

:: Kamensnala ::

was reading tree's blog and her Sims experiences.. yes, the men do poop indeed.. i like the way they designed the sims to speak gibberish.. i think it's really hard to do so.. really admire the people who dubbed for these voices..

kamensnala was one of the words in the game.. probably meant "thank you".. it was my msn nick for all but 10mins and loretta commented that it sounded like a curse. haha.. "you kamensnala! go and die!!" hmm..

allow me to tell you abt my sims family too! i played the Superstar expansion pack.. and i had about.. *counts....* *loses count....* [insert pretty large number here] families. all were attached and lived in their own houses.. when they want to pa tor, they just visited each other's places or went downtown.

i had a character whom i liked alot.. i named her Jeantasia Teorrino.. (oh har har har) and maxed out all her ability stats. she had a pretty little puppy named Pookie and a bf named.. Uzumaki Naruto.. (har har har) she was also a star, and often popped by Studio Town (the other downtown area where Christina Aguilera, Marilyn Monroe and Avril Lavinge walk around) to record albums.. model.. act.. or to stage a photo op with the paparazzi. haha.

Jeantasia led an amazing life.. lived in a cosy little apartment, loved to hang out downtown, was loaded with cash and had a faithful little dog in a pink bow. but alas.. the Sims is no longer in my comp after the spyware-ridden CPU was sent for a repair.

shall save up to buy Sims 2... muahahahaha.

ok i have to bathe and go to CGH now.. poor val was warded for dengue fever.. GET WELL SOON VAL!

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

:: Just around the corner.. ::

it's may 3rd!!! *buzzes with excitement*

time to do the "accepting" "rejecting" thing.. means.... accept SMU econs and reject NUS business.

speaking of NUS, they sent a huUuUUuuge package along with the acceptance letter.. hello, i'm not going to mt. wanahakalugi for a hiking expedition, no need so much introduction one.

tmr is syf day for the jc choirs.. so exciting! hope that tp can get Gold with Honours. although the thought of having to hear Sunset 16 times more is a major turn-off, but that won't stop me from supporting my dear juniors.

and saturday is another big day. bangkok!! i'm all set. i dunno what 36degrees feels like but i'll pack my airiest clothes, sunscreen, shades and alot of baht to buy mineral water. just short of a portable air-con.

Monday, May 02, 2005

:: (Un)Lucky ::

had practice last night.. performance is just around the corner and i must say that the attendence is.. well, there isn't any.

sometimes we tend to commit ourselves to too many things, and are not able to act responsibly to turn up simply because we cannot be in two places at one time. we're no superbeings, so maybe we should stop trying to be one.. it just doesn't work that way. here we have a performance in one mth. seven songs. none of the songs are secure, people don't know their parts, we start practice 45 mins after stated time.

i can forsee the many problems that lie ahead. people are complaining. people are unhappy. people are calling names behind one another's backs. (people are teaching others to smoke with them too.)

i know this choir isn't first priority to all its members. but since when did it become the last?

i imagined the birds weren't too happy either.. look what one did to glenn when he and i went to parkway for dinner.

Descant

Will your anchor hold
In the storms of life?
When the clouds unfold
Their wings of strife?
When the strong tides lift
And the cables strain
Will your anchor drift,
Or firm remain?

We have an anchor
That keeps the soul
Steadfast and sure
While the billows roll
Fastened to the Rock
Which cannot move
Grounded firm and deep
In the Saviour's love

Social Butterfly

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