Tuesday, August 30, 2005

:: Nostalgic YI XIA ::

you know sometahms.... how i like to read past entries to nostalgic yi xia.. its really nice to see the ups and downs in your life and take heart in knowing how God brought you through all these..

i was reading the dabian party entry....



cannot stand it.... i'll still laugh to myself everytime i think about that day. if i had a list of the Top 10 Happiest Days of My Life, i believe that day would be one of them.

oh wait. the 10 happiest days was the prague trip. make that 20 then.

i also realise we used that cheap Happy Birthday deco from those cheapo bakery shops.. and they give that plastic knife with a triangular hole in the middle..... usually pink in colour. haha.

sigh. really nostalgic yi xia man. to have time to soak oneself in happy memories.. is a luxury.

to sit in kbox and sing for 5 hours with your girlfriends is also a big luxury. which was what i did today.

Monday, August 29, 2005

:: Uni...... returns ::

in SMU, its all about speaking up.

i think the class participation can be quite the headache.. especially if you kena those "power classes" with a lot of scholars in it.

that day my microecons prof. used the all-you-can-eat pizza parlour to illustrate "sunk costs" (he's italian), and the class spent one whole hour discussing whether the cost is really sunk cost.

oh my. we didn't get past 30% of his 85-slide ppt presentation by the end of 3.25 hours.

and then there are people who can actually discuss during MATH class..... quoting funny mathematician names and saying the formula actually came from THEM instead of what the formula was named after. i mean.. its interesting and all, but..... i think some of them get overzealous, and end up harping on an irrelevant topic altogether.

i appreciate the profs who would only attribute class participation marks to those who ask insightful questions that would benefit his or her classmates in general. i believe class participation is not about flaunting your knowledge or over-arguing your point such that it goes off-tangent. of course, things in the world are seldom absolute, and that's the beauty of it what.

ok lah, moral values are absolute ok, contrary to what those New Age peeps believe. but i don't want to go off-tangent. hah.

other than that, its quite fun. class participation i mean. it sure does require a lot of tact.... and i believe that in the midst of getting our point across, we also have to keep an open mind to alternatives, as well as to be sensitive to the flaws of our own argument and understand that no argument is perfect. =)

and lemme just say...... ahem......


HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEXIN !!!!! =)

Friday, August 26, 2005

:: Uni... ::

uni.... i've heard those "JC is more stressful than uni" testimonies from many people, but who ever warned us freshies about the kind of struggles we would face when we're in the midst of adapting to it? all my friends and i are on the brink of insanity with the readings and assignments... and everything else we have to juggle along with.

i used to feel bad for my friends at NUS and NTU who lamented about having to adapt to uni life. i imagined what my uni life would be like.. and alas, its not any easier.

i would need better tahm management for sure. and learn to say no when i have to.

its now that i realise how much tahm i have wasted before my sch term began. now i realise that i can never get them back. time with the Lord, in particular, has taken a huge beating. no longer do i have the luxury to sit down for a good half-hour to read His Word, and reflect upon my life. nopey. no more good sermons on monday mornings at Emmanuel House, no more consolidation and sharing on wednesday mornings at Youth Guidance center.

now i'm once again thrown into an environment where i have to struggle to find time to do this and that. to wring my brain of every remaining drop of juice. i find it hard to concentrate for the 3hr15min-long lessons.. they always lose me halfway through. i think i need to stock up on my Haribo again..

and oh GOODNESS i hope the nightmare that is Analytical Skills will soon be over. i cannot waste 4 hours of my time doing a worksheet issued by a philospher prof because i seriously think i'm not MENSA material. i don't have to prove anything to anybody here in SMU about myself. no offense, i like the prof and all, but i just think that i cannot handle a 4-hr worksheet that will always have to be handed up before 5pm the next class day!

its kinda hard.. i dunno much people in school cos they're all from RJ and AC and SA and HW and VJ and stuff.... those guys walk around school and "hi" here "hi" there, but i don't really run into old friends at SMU. and you hardly get to bond with people with all the different class timetables. sometimes it gets kinda lonely.. you're constantly surrounded with lots of strangers and people but you feel as though you're on your own, sitting there amongst them in your own little world. you completely switch off and go into "standby" mode: a Jean that just spews nonsense for the sake of it. its quite a horrible feeling to have, and i'm getting very very lousy at remembering names.

so many new things, so little energy.

i'm still adapting. its only week 1. but....... really abit the lonely sometimes la. haha.

gosh i hope i can lunch with tree again soon. let's meet up again real soon tree!

however trying this time may be, well..... i know that the Lord is still there bringing me through.



"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
- Psalm 73:26

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

My mum was cooking dinner, and she wanted to use the wok. But she opened it up to find a plate of ngor hiang full of WORMS.

WORMS.

apparently exactly a week ago, my dad didn't finish the ngor hiang during dinner, so he left them in the wok and put the lid over it. now, exactly a week later, it is infested with extra ingredients. needless to say, my mum is royally pissed off, disgusted and vexed that something so bizarre has occured. by right, a functional family should never find themselves having to dispose of uninvited inverterbrate visitors from the kitchen wok.

let's look at this matter objectively:

first of all, who in the right mind puts dinner leftovers in the WOK?? maybe if you're a person who doesn't do the housework, like my dad. or maybe he didn't see it coming that we wouldn't cook dinner for a week. maybe he thought that the wok would be opened the next day. maybe he didn't know that ngor hiangs cannot be left unrefrigerated for days.

you know what i think the problem is? its miscommunication. it was all just one big, nasty case of miscommunication. how do you live with someone you don't talk to anymore, under one roof? things like these will happen. you find yourself with two watermelon halves at home, which you cannot possibly finish without getting diarrhoea, a thousand tubes of conditioner in the toilet, two piles of laundry because my mum won't wash my dad's clothes, and tension in the air so thick you could cut through it with a knife. not to mention one perpetually pissed off woman stomping and banging her way around the house.

eh, not say i'm blaming my parents. these things have happened and we all played a part in it. for 18 years in my life, i would NEVER ever have thought that the family would break up. but i tell you, who knows what other things God has in store for me in my future ahead? He allowed all these sin to creep into my family, and we all have to cope and learn because we have to understand that He wants us to learn something from it, and everything He does in your life serves a purpose. by the way, we cannot siam from sin as long as we're in this world.

alot of non-believers ask me, "eh, Christian, why the world got so much suffering ah? i thought your God very loving one."

i cannot answer that question in one sentence. of course i have been bothered before, about seemingly senseless sufferings in this world. kids dying before they turn 10, a victim of drink-driving, passive smokers dying of lung cancer, victims of major disasters....

what you and i need is more than tested theories and model answers the world offers. we should look back at our lives and ask ourselves how we have grown through our trials. these bad things looked endless in the short-run, but would you have become the person you are today if not for the bad things that have shaped and directed you?

sufferings just remind us of the cruel reality that we're living in a world full of sin. sin is so multi-faceted, that almost everything can be attributed to it. unbeknownst to many, we actually sin thousands of times a day. and we cannot help it. the famous phrase "nobody is perfect" is in fact consistent with the biblical principle that we cannot save ourselves from sin.

i cannot imagine a life without God. maybe in the past i could, or even would have liked it. but now, i just can't. the kind of comfort and assurance that God gives surpasses any kind of comfort that i can get from the people i'm closest to on earth. that is because God knows 100% what i am going through, He is in complete control of my life, and He will make sure that whatever i experience is Father-filtered with His permission, and that He would give me the strength to go through with it.

sounds good, no? i'm sure we all have moments when we just want somebody else to take control of our lives instead, because by our own strength and effort, it sometimes ends up in a mess. it is possible, if you want to take the tried and tested path that i have chosen.

"suffering matures us." some may say. sure it does. but without something to look forward to, the sufferings would be pointless no matter how mature you become. oh hindsight, i'm glad that i've learnt so much from all that i've gone through. i've become more well-tempered, more patient, more sensitive, more dependent on God. i learnt to treasure the people around me more, learnt to love my enemies, and learnt so much more about who God is and what this whole big deal about my faith entails.

i remember alot of people telling me "wah, you're so strong" everytime i share about this incident. little did they know where this strength comes from.

haha, now you know.

:: School ::

just 9 months after enjoying the economically active status, i'm once again a full-time student. here i am blogging at 8 am in the morning because i woke up at 630 thinking there was a lesson.

actually that lesson starts on week 9.

haiyoh, how ill-informed am i.

the campus is nice.... but everyone's getting lost. the profs fumble with the new technology and the ez-link-like school gates keep beeping like nobody's business. the poor security guards.

the toilets always run out of paper, and the lockers have no doors yet. still lots of construction going on around, with the smell of wood and paint hanging in the air. food in Kopitiam is super expensive. and i keep getting lost in the school website. so many things!!

but still.. its nice.

i love SMU. (pronounced smoo)

Thursday, August 18, 2005

:: Men in Blue ::

whenever i walk home from the interchange, i would always pass through a chain of office buildings, where the carparks are mended by security guards in blue. everytime i see one of them standing there, doing nothing, i would greet him and give him a smile. the friendly guards always return the greeting.

it must be really boring, being a security guard. when there are no cars, you just sit there and listen to the radio. when there are cars, all you do is recording down their license plate no. that is why i make it a point to smile at them and hopefully make both their days and mine.

they very friendly one, those security guards.

oh no, i need to cut my hair.

the pepper lunch dinner was great.

oh no, the ge tai downstairs is starting soon.

oh no, no link.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

:: Woodlands Primary School ::

ahh.. today was my last day at woodlands primary. i still remember that fateful day when i first came in with lydea, clueless to what facilitating was, totally shocked that kids like these ever existed, and feeling a record-high level of helplessness.

but today, i stood before the p3s and 5s with confidence, (even if it was just for 3 minutes), leading them in a little game, and knowing all the p3' names by heart. i've come quite a long way eh?

its been quite the ride at woodlands primary. so far i have been slapped with a book, hit with a paper aeroplane, chased a kid halfway around the school, wrestled with another, been scolded and slandered countless times, and screamed at the top of my lungs at yet another kid. quite a violent ride, you would say, but i take away priceless experience from WDP. it has given me a glimpse of how children at-risk behave, what their needs are, and what offer them.

despite all these changes, (progressions more than regressions), i know one thing never did change. each time i prepared to venture into the mission ground that is WPD, i learnt to depend on the Lord for strength and wisdom that i never could have garnered on my own. sometimes what we can give these children is far from sufficient because of their rebellious nature. we do not enter that classroom on the second floor thinking "i can do it." instead, we go in thinking "i cannot, but God can." because of this, we have nothing to fear. and even if things go wrong, we have the patience to go through with it and try to undo the mistakes through time. relying on the God who is all-powerful and soverign takes our fears away, and lets us understand that even if what we do fails to make the kind if difference we would hope for, it is only the Lord who is capable of transforming another person.

what i have seen and heard at WDP are things SMU wouldn't be able to teach in a million courses. isn't it ironic that i learnt the most important lessons in life in primary school, at the age of 19?

i leave WDP with bittersweet memories. although i have a gut feeling that i will end up helping out there maybe once or twice more, i would just like to say that i'll miss their very cheap food, the blue visitor's pass, the chaotic school canteen, and all the children in the Superstarz program.


dinnering with tomodachi tmr during his night's out. what to eat, what to eat???? (i think subway. muahahahaha.)

Thursday, August 11, 2005

:: Light and Darkness ::


Light:

Christian video games!! i found this article on MSN Today. quite refreshing eh? its time we had things like these to help counter some of the violence we see on video games. sure, the results are less than significant, but its a start. while a typical video store boasts big-breasted women and fanged behemoths in armour, may a little Jesus game shed some light into a dark world of video games.


Darkness:

this stupid SMU guy boughtthe Fujitsu PC Tablet at the student price of $2.4K, and put it up for sale on Yahoo for $3.2K, lying blatantly that he was going to study overseas and did not need it anymore. obviously trying to earn money.. cos this tablet's market price is $4.2K. he even changed the description today and omitted the SMU parts so he won't give himself away.

of course some may argue that its a grey area. after all, he isn't doing anything illegal, and as a student he had every right to buy the laptop at the student price. but to me, he's just plain violating his rights as a student. smart, yes. but at the expense of one's conscience. are these really the kind of people SMU needs?

whatever happened to integrity? oh, yes. darkness.

Saturday, August 06, 2005

:: The Day ::

its been quite awhile since i actually blogged about a day i had. however, this was a day like no other. its been exciting and unpredictable!

first off, tomodachi, tree and i finally got around to celebrating their birthdays. we were... almost a month late. the theme of the party was...................



DABIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tree and i did the decorations while tomodachi popped by later to be amused by it. we even hung a large picture of a dabian from the lampshade as it whipped around in the wind.

why dabian you say? i believe its the most creative idea, and we actually managed to keep the whole cake looking very appetising. dabian is an important element in our well-being and health, and people tend to see it as a derogatory object. "qu chi dabian" and whatnot. hey, give our excrement more due credit.

many thanks to tomodachi's Ben n Jerry's and the golden piece of dabian-zai from tree. we baked our own butter cake and decorated it with dabian-related items, such as hershey's kisses and hand-drawn piles of dung. (in two different shades of brown.) the end result happened to be very yummylicious. we even decorated our utensils and paper plates with cartoon dung.





pardon the poor photo quality. my camera is BenQ nia. starhub give one.

we also made japanese curry with rice for lunch (i cut my finger), watched w&g and hikki's unplugged performance on the comp!

my brother and i planned to meet our cousin to attend Festival of Praise in the evening, but it was too crowded and we were led to this little room with a miserable screen in front and two miserable speakers. we walked out and decided to give the gig a miss. we can always worship the Lord any other day and at any other place. really, the mob was very scary. maybe because the gig was free?

instead, we popped down to Junction 8. hohh boy, the place doubled in size since i went there about a decade ago... and toppled an entire earring rack at a shop called Leo. (i was 6 then.) my parents had to pay about $30+ in damages for the broken earrings. i didn't know i couldn't turn the rack. i mean..... it certainly looked turnable.

i also bought a Jesus Rocks t-shirt, while my bro finally got around to buying his pen-pencil from Muji.

Queensway + Ikea tmr! i can't wait to devour my swedish meatballs.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

:: Creation ::

from Our Daily Bread, August 3rd, 2005:


There's a story about a group of scientists who decided that humans could do without God. So one of them looked up to God and said, "We've decided that we no longer need You. We have enough wisdom to clone people and do many miraculous things."

God listened patiently and then said, "Very well, let's have a man-making contest. We'll do it just like I did back in the old days with Adam." The scientists agreed, and one of them bent down and picked up a handful of dirt. God looked at him and said, "No! You have to make your own dirt!"


woah. this story rocks man. go God! You show them who's Boss!!

i was just thinking... which other God dared claim He made the heavens and the earth? i mean, it sounds pretty outlandish right? unless you're super powerful like God. while other gods only promised peace, happiness, comfort, salvation, enlightenment etc..... God dared claim He made you, on top of all those other things. i dunno about you, but i think i made no mistake following my Creator. after all, only He would know what's best for me.

"If I handed you an invention you had never seen before, you wouldn't know its purpose, and the invention itself wouldn't be able to tell you either. Only the creator or the owner's manual could reveal its purpose." - Rick Warren

i mean... i once thought i knew what's best for me.. i thought i was only as happy and content as i allowed myself to be. i thought a good life meant having lots of friends, getting good grades, having enough to eat, having an intact family, having enough to spend, getting to hang out with people and to just enjoy the little pleasures in life.

but i tell you, what happens when these little pleasures are taken away from you? suddenly, your intact family breaks up. your reflection of your perfect little life is shattered. it pushes you to think deeper about what the meaning of life is. its not about just getting what you want and being content.

its not about being at peace no matter what happens, sky fall down use as blanket to cover. its not about us getting what we ask for through... i dunno... dreams or supernatural experiences and whatnot. sure, these things exist, but they're actually forms of deceit to pull us away from what is true.

it was never about us. and until we realise that, we will never ever be satisfied with the answers we ourselves have conjured up/speculated on the purpose of life.

even dirt had to be made by someone right....... even.... the tree the indian prince sat under was made by someone.

Descant

Will your anchor hold
In the storms of life?
When the clouds unfold
Their wings of strife?
When the strong tides lift
And the cables strain
Will your anchor drift,
Or firm remain?

We have an anchor
That keeps the soul
Steadfast and sure
While the billows roll
Fastened to the Rock
Which cannot move
Grounded firm and deep
In the Saviour's love

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