Friday, February 24, 2006

:: Hole-yness ::

yesterday i popped down to YG again and Jayne came along to help out with the sessions.. though not many of the kids turned up i am still thankful that they were attentive and had an oppurtunity to learn more about teamwork-trust. i do realised i've been neglecting the kids in my prayers but the sharing yesterday once again reminded me that truly most of them are beyond the help that we can give. we'll have to rely on the Lord to change their hearts and His love to motivate them to pick up the pieces of their lives once again.

then Jayne and i headed down to MOS burgers for dinner and the conversation led us to school (surprise surprise) as we discussed about how draining and frustrating the LTB project can be cos things aren't really going smoothly now.. it led to a topic of a certain group of international students in school.. all along we've known that they've been copying our homework and cheating in tests.. and furthermore we're starting to see a freeriding syndrome where they are concerned. in the LTB class they're mixed into all the different groups to stimulate "the real working world where you don't get to choose your colleagues". i do agree they can do alot more..

and copying our work also meant that they're scoring those A's and B's at our expense. furthermore, with SMU so particularly smitten with "class participation", they really talk ALOT during lessons..

i believe there's a thin line between being judgemental and evaluating the situation objectively. as much as we shouldn't point out the dust in the eye of another while forgetting the log in our own, we also ought to voice it out when we see that someone is obviously compromising on his character. here its obvious that they have committed some misdoings against their schoolmates, and of course cheating is no small matter. this ain't no "she's a bimbo" or "he's so irritating" matter. they freaking cheated.

talking requires more wisdom than i imagined.


anyway i punctured Bobby, my cactus.. while trying to "plough" that little pot of soil. the water wasn't infiltrating very well and i wanted to aerate it with my hairpin.. but i jabbed and jabbed and smelled this plantish smell.. and saw that i had impaled the poor thing with 3 small holes near the bottom.. so sad. SORRY BOBBY!!



(hooked on gospel music. YOLANDA ADAMS!!)

Friday, February 17, 2006

DID YOU KNOW......


Seiko


Rolex


Swatch


Fossil


Tag Heuer



Frank Muller


Rado


Omega


Casio


Guess


that most watch ads set their time to 10:10??












































hee.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

BYE TREEEE. *hug*

This Johari window thing is kinda interesting.. lemme know what you think of me. click here.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

:: The Weeping Child ::

i hunched over the sink to brush my teeth a while ago and tears just started flowing out like the faucet in front of me.. i hurriedly reached for my face towel, wetted, wrung it and slapped it on my face to wipe my tears away.

it had been the second time i cried today.

the first time was because i watched I Not Stupid Too this afternoon, but if you didn't at least tear you're not really human so that's fine.


my bro and i visited my dad at his place today. it was a nice size, good layout..

but still very empty, disorganized..

and cold.

i looked at the bedroom and imagined him sleeping there alone at night, with the DJ over the radio as his only company.. will he miss us all when he falls asleep? has he cried himself to sleep since he moved to live on his own? is he regretting what he has done? did he pray and pour out his heart to the Lord like i always do?

i guess my mind wanders when i'm alone at night, and i just wonder if that happens to him too..

we helped him spread on the new bedsheet set he bought, laid out the quilt and pillows and pushed his haphazardly-positioned bed against the wall. his bedside table was really just two drawers standing upright.

we helped him clean up abit and did what we could to make the place look just a little cosier.. but i know its still a far cry from being a home. at least a far cry from the home i live in now.

he gave us a red packet each, and another two for our cousins. though it wasn't much, but it's the first time he's giving us read packets. he had kept them in the bag he brings to work everyday, so that he could give it to us when he sees us.

my heart is aching.. that my dad is now only half the man he used to be.. that i can't see him often as before....


that i miss him so much....

my brother says i'm overracting over dad's living conditions, and that its only because he's just moved in.. and that my bro has seen more destitute homes..

but i'm overracting because i feel his loneliness in that house. and that he doesn't deserve this no matter what he did. all i could do was to make the place look a little nicer because i know i cannot add another person in there to keep him company.. i wanted to leave physical traits of my presence there so that he knows i'll always be there for him.

i suddenly hate my house. i hate it that its so aesthetically appealing and comfortable.. that God has blessed me with this beautiful home but yet i'm always too focused on finding ways to make it look even better for myself. but i thank Him that i went to dad's house today because He has shown and taught me so much through this visit.. that He is still a faithful God who has been preserving dad's health, his job, and providing him with a roof over his head and a place he can call his own.



dad i've missed you.... please.. please take care of yourself.. you'll be in my prayers, always.

:: Garbage Mary ::

- Our Daily Bread, 10th February 2006

By Mart De Haan


She dressed in rags, lived in a tenement house amid mounds of garbage, and spent much of her time rummaging through trash cans. The local newspaper picked up her story after the woman who was known in her neighborhood as "Garbage Mary" had been admitted to a psychiatric hospital. Astonishingly, in her filthy apartment police found stock certificates and bankbooks indicating she was worth at least a million dollars.

This woman's condition was heartbreaking. But from God's point of view there are even more tragic examples of "wealthy" people who subsist on "garbage." If Christians are controlled by lust, hate, envy, pride, impatience, or bitterness, they're actually choosing to live off the refuse of the world.

This might be understandable if they had no resources to draw from. You'd expect that kind of behavior from people without faith in Christ. But that's not the case for believers. We have the Word of truth and the help of the Holy Spirit. We have no excuse for groveling in the dirt of sin when the power of God is at our disposal.

Father, forgive us for eating "garbage" when You've prepared a banquet for us. Help us to "lay aside all filthiness" (James 1:21) and to feast on Your goodness.

One taste of God's grace can make us lose our hunger for the world.

Saturday, February 04, 2006

:: Like sand through the hourglass.. ::

so are the Days of Our Lives.. *theme comes on*

no lah. but time and money have been slipping away..

Just visited some blogs upon seeing msn nicks publicising their urls.. i realised that i've got a group of primary school classmates whose blogs are still linked to one anothers'.. (also because most went to the same sec school and JC.) in one shot i hopped by yufen, siew lian, li juan, yuen ling, yuxin and wee inn's cyber abodes.

its amazing how blogs and friendster can keep everyone in touch somehow.. and keep everyone updated on your latest hair dye job, school assignment, shopping loot and most importantly, how you've grown and changed. i mean, an old friend who chanced upon my blog recently would probably find that i've suddenly become a religious person, or have not changed at all in other ways, but i believe this is the age where we start to exhibit invidualistic thinking and opinions. this is probably a stage where we've been "shaped" to a certain extent that this is who we'll be for the rest of our lives. no longer do we conform to having a site riddled with neoprint shots, song lyrics and "birds fly high, hard to catch" sort of fanfare, and its nice to discover where life has led each one of us to.

an old acquaitaince of yours could be reading your blog silently right this moment.. you never know. =)

speaking of shopping loot, i bought a whole lot of stuff yesterday. i'm gonna have to live on a diet of grass and weeds for the rest of the month.

and as the eighth day of CNY draws near, we start seeing weird stuff on sale at the wet market or supermarket nearby. red coloured bunches of bananas, pink plum blossom baos and tall and skinny bamboos (no, not my brother Leon) among other things.

yes, its the time of the year where the hokkiens pray to "Tee Gong" or Tian1 Gong1 once again. apparently he's the most dua pai gods of them all.. the more devoted believers always have this big fanciful prayer rite.. my aunt even orders a roast pig for Tee Gong, and they have to offer joss sticks and burn paper at midnight.

i'm exasperated to say the least.. but i do not want to incur any legal liabilities by saying anything more. you know how the gahmen is coming down hard on bloggers these days.


*update*
changed some pics in the collage marquee.. dunno why its bigger, and dunno why some photos have white spots. very ugly la. i use Paint, very the primitive ones.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

:: Lazy fingers and hazy minds ::

i realised the reason for my lack of blogging these days stemmed from schoolwork. it just conveniently occupied every last interesting reccess in my mind (i.e. killed my joy for blogging). when i am not thinking about school-related things, i think about God, and worry or depress myself over some of my bestest friends departing for their studies.

its quite amazing how nagging thoughts like these rob you of the creativity and joy you used to have. but i also wonder if i was ever given a choice to remain as bubbly as i used to. (an exogenous component as SMU would say.) appparently school didn't leave many options open for me. if i've had to live out my school life without God i think i would go mad.

i know i'm not some superwoman when it comes to the job.. i have below average energy level, below average attention span and i don't even want to begin rating my level of academic competence in relation to my schoolmates. its not that i am comparing myself to others, but i believe that for being in a school that moves so quickly and surely before my eyes, i am lagging behind..

and i'm perfectly fine with that.

i know God made me a student to fulfill the requirements a student has to, but i draw a thin line between His will for me as a student and a Christian - a Christian in SMU where the enemy can attack by loading me with an unhealthy amount of work; a trend i've observed in the school and society in general. no other race on earth has ensnared more people than that of the rat.

what is this you're saying you might ask. equating schoolwork to the work of the devil. what's wrong with studying hard? but i myself am aware that when i face obstacles academically, it isn't always because God wants me to be a better student. sometimes its because Satan wants me to be a worse child to God. no matter how i juggle my time, he has managed to make me read my textbooks when its time for the Bible, go for meetings when its time to study His Word, and settle administrative matters late into the night when i am supposed to pray.

and i find that frightfully threatening.

but i know i hold the most powerful weapon, and that is prayer - my sole guard against the onslaught of worldly pressures and a shield for my mind. the only adjustment is that i'll have to do it when i am most alert.

i know that lately i may not have as many funny thoughts and quirky comments to offer anyone, and i certainly do not believe that humour or goofiness has to be compromised as a person matures, but pray with me for wisdom as i try to find myself again - my identity in God; and in the process have my "joyful aura" restored. =)


Joy is in found in obedience to Him.

Descant

Will your anchor hold
In the storms of life?
When the clouds unfold
Their wings of strife?
When the strong tides lift
And the cables strain
Will your anchor drift,
Or firm remain?

We have an anchor
That keeps the soul
Steadfast and sure
While the billows roll
Fastened to the Rock
Which cannot move
Grounded firm and deep
In the Saviour's love

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