Thursday, August 31, 2006

Running for an audience of One

saw this msn nick that belongs to irene, one of the campus crusade staff.. and i am really inspired by how it gives a whole new perspective to ministry and life.

it tells me that i am out to please no one but Him.

it tells me that i am to set your eyes on no one else but Him.

it tells me that ultimately what matters most is what He thinks.

it tells me that everything i do should be for Him.

it tells me to focus on Him always.

it tells me that He is the only One my life is accountable to in the end.....









it tells me that He is always watching.


yes, i will run for an audience of One and one only.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

I am a Photoshopper

SMU Crusade's vision tea is this friday. it amuses me to no end as i compare the two emailers we've made for this annual event, both designed by me.

THEN:




and NOW:




bye Paint! HelloOoOOOooo Photoshop!


we've rebranded. and boy am i glad we did.


WOOT. the Godspeed one is so pwetty.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Sing unto the Lord a new song

SYC's Gloria was a performance of technical excellence.. the 6 to 8 hrs of practice per week shows. although there was a lack of effort to engage the audience with the eclectic repertoire that is hard to relate to.. no doubt they sounded good.

its been a while since i have withdrawn myself from the choral scene. as i looked at tomodachi and the rest of the members sing, i wonder about what i had given up so that i could avail myself for the work in YG. just as i was sure i could possibly have a career in the choral arena or to continue singing with a good choir and improve vocally, i realized that i no longer belong to that world. instead of being a part of the choral elites of the country, God has directed me down a path more humbling than i could ever imagine.

when i realized that i could still put whatever's left of this voice to good use, i decided to join the church choir. sure, we're short of basses, and we are far from what people would deem as a good choir, much less one of international acclaim, i know that where i am is far more meaningful.

sure, we go out of tune once in a while, and do not expect as much of ourselves technically, but it is here i find my place and purpose in singing. i sing for God, and to minister to the congregation with my voice. i do not sing to win a competition, to strive for choral excellence, or even because i enjoy doing it.. i sing because with every note i want to praise God and let someone else know how great He is.. even the neighbour who overheard me in the shower.

i do miss challenging myself vocally, and developing my voice further, and singing amongst dedicated people who care about singing well.. but it cannot beat being in a choir that sings for a much higher purpose. for me, it has become more than a passion. it's a calling.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

The Paradox of Service

these few days have been nothing short of stressful for me. though school barely started for a week, it was as if i was reliving the peak term period of project deadlines and exams.

the very sad thing is that the activities i was involved in weren't even supposed to be chores.

crusade, YG, school, bible study, church.. all rolled into one. it probably didn't sound like much but the first item alone equalled about the others added up.

sometimes i lament about being stretched too thin, and too many times contemplated on giving up on one of the commitments. i scold myself for being lazy or a quitter, and yet feel a sense of obligation because i do not want to let people down. i hated it that these things i did, seemingly in an act of service, robbed me of my personal time with God, to pray and read His Word. when that happens, His Word is thrown out the window and i begin to go around in reckless abandon, doing things in my own strength, losing sight of the final goal.. losing sight of the big picture... losing myself.

i blame no one but myself, for saying yes too often and never having the courage to tell people that they were overworking me. i let the words they say manipulate my feelings and make me feel bad for refusing them or make me feel irresponsible. this helplessness angers me to no end.

i look back at memories of the past week as bittersweet. the throngs of people who came to our booth.. the 76 positive responses.. the thought of a crowded classroom for our vision tea.. they were satisfying thoughts. though i've let Him down too many times to count, He still chooses to use me for His purposes, to reach out and be a testimony, to changes lives.. i am in awe of how He has moved in SMU and how i was able to be a part of it. i am truly honored to have been a part of all these things.....

but at what price? i reach home too exhausted to pray, and had to cancel the bible study class with my kids today because i was not settled enough to teach.

there must be a way out of this, and i will find it, even if it means i have to say "no" to people who challenge me to serve any more than i already am. i am a full time student serving like a full time staff. my identity is Christian but my role is to study.

now, i am just glad that i can finally rest.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

To Valerie...

Dear val,

such an unexpected gesture from me, even to myself.. to write an entry just for a friend. but Happy Birthday!!

i'm doing this not because i'm too free, but because i think i have never told you how special you are a friend to me. i know we haven't talked much through the years.. "good friends" by name, and hanging out in a common clique.. but i'll admit that i have not been pro-active enough to be there for you when you needed someone. i'll admit that i do not know you as well as a good friend should, or to share in your life as much as a good friend should.

but after 7 years of having known you, i have decided that a "happy birthday" sms and a physical gift will not suffice. what i can give that is much more precious is my time and efforts in nurturing this friendship that we share. and that is what i intend to do. i will try to make time for you, because i want to share in your life. i figured that our friendship should be so much more than just shopping at Far East and lamenting how we can never fit into those free-size clothes there.. or just the occasional hi-bye on msn.. or only when we meet together as the family girls.. or kbox.. no.. i think you deserve more than that from me. i would like to share in your life more if you'd let me. i think it's time i learned to be a true friend as we grow through life and mature together. =)

i know that you've already received a very big present today.. the cabbie whose taxi you left your wallet in came to your doorstep to return your wallet to you.. but as i said.. i hope that this special gift i have can beat that haha!

happy birthday again! and fret not, i did buy you something.. but there are some things a present cannot express what this entry can.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Once a Duck, Always a Duck

often i would do something wrong and then feel disgusted with myself for my actions or thoughts. however i cannot help myself nor control the urge to do it even though i know full well that it was wrong. i admit that in my own strength i am powerless against it, no matter how i surpress or avoid it.

it is in our nature to do wrong. we were born wrongdoers because from the first man and woman came the rest of the humans we see everyday. they sinned, and so we by default would sin as well. like a duckling hatched to be a duck, it was born to quack. it can remain silent all its life, or learn to roar and bark, but nothing will change the fact that it is a duck.

we like to say "No one is perfect", and that's absolutely true. compared to the perfect and Holy God who made us, no one is 100% righteous in His eyes. we have all sinned, and fallen short of His glory. and as sinners our penalty is eternal separation from Him. sin angers the Holy God because it is the complete opposite of what represents Him! we are helpless to make ourselves worthy of ever seeing Him again.

i know many people believe that there are many ways to heaven, but when we realize that sin is in our nature and irremovable from a human being, all hopes of entering heaven by our own merit is really out of the question. we can do good works, meditate, or justify our actions as right.. but at the end of the day.... No one is perfect.

the state of His creations put God in a massive dilemma. that is why in an act of ultimate love and sacrifice He sent His Son Jesus to pay the penalty for us. we are like the criminals tried at court, who were cleared of our charges because someone else had taken the punishments in our place. Jesus was the only Man who would ever be worthy and qualified to die for the world because He was the only Man who never sinned. He was God in human flesh, who came down into the world and relinquished His kingship to die as a criminal. it was His love for us that motivated Him to make that choice. He could well have left us in the lurch. But He didn't.

only through Him can we commune with God again. Jesus is the bridge that reunites us to God, and gives us the hope of being with our Creator one day.

living in an environment where many others tell me they do not see a need for God to be in their lives, i'll confess i cannot emphatize with them when they are very sure that they're fine without God. i admit that i do not accept the reaons they gave, and i find them just answers that are patronising me. i cannot shove the truth down their throats, but neither do i want to pretend that it is okay for my friends to live in darkness.

some many have given convenient reasons, while others never gave it much thought, and just bury themselves in whatever they have to do.. yet others turn to temporary satisfactions like their families, shopping or studies, and conclude that their life is well-lived and fruitful. no doubt many of them lead meaningful lives.. maybe even more "happening" and meaningful than mine..... but how many lead purposeful ones?

when you leave this world and have to give an account of how you've lived your life before God, He is not going to ask you if you were a good student, a good OGL, a good economist, a good blogger, a good daughter/son or a good friend.. He will ask you what you did with His Son, Jesus.

life is a pass/fail examination. and there will be no retest because He has already given you the answer key. what will you do with Jesus?

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Two Things

just came back from watching fireworks at Marina. we never had a proper dinner because the queues everywhere were just crazy. we ended up eating peanut cakes from jollibean and 1A curry puffs. queues at fast food joints went all the way to the shop entrances, and foodcourts were just packed.

the fireworks weren't that spectacular either, and after jostling around for hours.. we finally made it home in one piece. my lower back is aching from standing/walking for too long, i'm disorientated by the turn of events that have happened.. did i mention the aunties are utterly merciless when pushing through crowds? goblinsssss. and PLEASE do not bring your young children to such events, its really not worth the trouble.

i'll never try something like that again.

two more 15-min fireworks displays @ marina (one fullerton has the best view) this friday and saturday. 9pm. attend at your own risk.



and this is random, but never inappropriate. let me share a very beautiful hymn..

O, Jesus I have Promised
- John E. Bode

O Jesus, I have promised to serve Thee to the end;
Be Thou forever near me, my Master and my Friend;
I shall not fear the battle if Thou art by my side.
Nor wander from the pathway if Thou wilt be my Guide.

O let me feel Thee near me! The world is ever near;
I see the sights that dazzle, the tempting sounds I hear;
My foes are ever near me, around me and within;
But Jesus, draw Thou nearer, and shield my soul from sin.

O let me hear Thee speaking in accents clear and still.
Above the storms of passion, the murmurs of self will.
O speak to reassure me, to hasten or control;
O speak, and make me listen, Thou Guardian of my soul.

O Jesus, Thou has promised to all who follow Thee
That where Thou art in glory there shall Thy servant be.
And Jesus, I have promised to serve Thee to the end;
O give me grace to follow, my Master and my Friend.

O let me see Thy footprints, and in them plant mine own;
My hope to follow duly is in Thy strength alone.
O guide me, call me, draw me, uphold me to the end;
And then in Heav'n receive me, my Savior and my Friend.

From the shelves of AMK Library...




i never grow up. =)

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Oh boy oh boy!!!

it's coming anytime now!!




GAAAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHA. such a blessing. =)

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Eh! i like to do this kinda stuff!
- tagged by yokes.

4 names you go by:
Jean
Pei Jean
Babe (yokes calls me that)
Tomodachi

4 things that scare you:
cockroaches!!
seeing my loved ones go without receiving Christ
having nightmares
small spaces

4 of your everyday essentials:
handphone
wallet
bible
Dragoon!

4 things you are wearing right now:
hairband
specs
nightie (with BUBU penguin picture)
studs
(and FYI, appropriate undergarments)

4 of your favorite bands or musical artists (at the moment):
jewel
taylor hicks
third day
chris tomlin

4 favorite songs (at the moment):
Third Day - Mountain of God
Taylor Hicks - Do I Make You Proud
Delta Goodrem - Together We Are One
Katharine McPhee - Somewhere Over the Rainbow

4 things you want in a relationship (other than real love):
Godliness
communication
a common purpose in God
laughter

4 truths:
God loves you.
God loves me.
I love God.
I love you.

4 physical things that appeal to you (in the opposite sex):
height
dimples
clean and short nails
nice teeth

4 of your favorite hobbies:
chatting on msn
playing the guitar
reading
watching CSI on AXN

4 things you want really badly:
a spirit of servanthood
courage
God's will for me after i graduate
assurance

4 places you want to go on vacation:
Israel (Jerusalem)
Portugal
Colorado/Grand Canyon
Japan

4 things you want to do before you die:
get baptized
see my parents come to the Lord
share the Gospel to some dear friends
have children

4 ways that you are stereotypically a dude/chick:
crying at possibly every sad scene i have watched
having a weakness for earrings
enjoys shopping
likes cute things
(the ways in which i'm non-stereotypical far outnumber)

4 things you are thinking about now:
what show my mum is watching on tv outside
which blinking orange msn window should i reply first
why i truly enjoy shaking my legs when i'm at the computer
when Jesus will come again

4 stores you shop at:
SKS!!
Muji
Mu-ee
Kinokuniya

4 people who should do this:
lelong lelong!!! free for all!!

Farmpride Chicken Patties

i woke up early today to prepare chicken burger patties for the 3 of us so that we could sit down and have breakfast together as a family..

farmpride chicken patties are very nice. =)

but what is nicest is having breakfast together.. enjoying a time of bonding over good food before everyones goes about their daily activities. it was truly worth the effort of waking up at 730 this morning.




i really thank God for the family i have.

Descant

Will your anchor hold
In the storms of life?
When the clouds unfold
Their wings of strife?
When the strong tides lift
And the cables strain
Will your anchor drift,
Or firm remain?

We have an anchor
That keeps the soul
Steadfast and sure
While the billows roll
Fastened to the Rock
Which cannot move
Grounded firm and deep
In the Saviour's love

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