Finishing exams earlier than most friends is not as thrilling as i thought it would be. Now i face the reality of having to look at my grades.
And oh, the pain.
That was a harsh grade to give to someone who loved the module with all her heart and believed in what she was learning. I know a lot of factors influenced the outcome, but it has nevertheless been a very humbling thing to face. One component dragged everything along with it. Honestly, i never did see it coming.
Growing up, i've hardly had problems being good at what i loved doing. Interest often shared a positive correlation with competency; or at least i can't recall an incident when it was otherwise.
This grade, though of a mere module of the 30-odd that i will take through my SMU life, is seriously making me doubt my choice in taking up political science as a second major. I didn't think that i would be bad at it - even professors themselves have affirmed me in my abilities. It's too bad the final grades they awarded say otherwise.
On the other hand, it is just a grade. I am not going to fall into the trap of pinning my self worth on a few letters and my GPA - nor will my future be ruined just because i am less academically inclined. I've seen people trade too much for it, which objectively speaking, is a very stupid thing to do. Yes, truly the grade is an unfeeling letter, so let's not take it personally.
Using human judgement, i would say without hesitation that i deserved better. but here's the catch - God always knows best. My greatest comfort is that circumstances will never change my identity in Him.
11:58 PM
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Dear Lydea,
Happy 21st birthday to you! Its a huge relief I managed to send my greetings at 11:59pm Adelaide-ish time.
I am glad you had a wonderful day celebrating this special occasion with your friends and loved ones. Although I am not with you physically, I know cyberspace still convinces me that you're not far away.
I thank God for such a wonderful and wise friend like you. After 8 years of knowing you, I can confidently say that our friendship has been steadfast. You have been a major influence in my life, and someone whom God has appointed to lead me back to Him. Challenging me to ask my mum for permission to attend church, leading me to YG.. It was invitations like these that changed my life completely.
Thank you for the unforgettable long phonecall we had till 2 in the morning.. as I poured out to you my frustrations and grievances.. Some of them still have not been resolved till today, but your advice has helped me a great deal in making decisions that will glorify Him.
May our friendship continue to grow and blossom as we continue to put Him in the center of our relationship. May you continue to grow into a woman after God's own heart, walking close to Him day by day, receiving wisdom from Him in all that you do. May His love be beneath you to uphold you, above you to cover you, behind you to protect you, before you to guide you, and close beside you and within you that you may shine His light before all men.
I am so glad you're my friend!
10:38 PM
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
iBought...
and
=)
11:24 PM
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Both Sides Now - Joni Mitchell
Rows and flows of angel hair, and ice cream castles in the air And feather canyons everywhere, I've looked at clouds that way. But now they only block the sun, they rain and snow on everyone. So many things i would have done but clouds got in my way.
I've looked at clouds from both sides now, From up and down, and still somehow It's cloud illusions I recall. I really don't know clouds at all.
Moons and junes and ferris wheels, the dizzy dancing way you feel As every fairy tale comes real; I've looked at love that way. But now it's just another show. You leave 'em laughing when you go. And if you care, don't let them know, don't give yourself away.
I've looked at love from both sides now, From give and take, and still somehow It's love's illusions I recall. I really don't know love at all.
Tears and fears and feeling proud to say "I love you" right out loud, Dreams and schemes and circus crowds, I've looked at life that way. But now old friends are acting strange, They shake their heads, they say I've changed. Something's lost but something's gained in living every day.
I've looked at life from both sides now, From win and lose, and still somehow It's life's illusions i recall. I really don't know life at all.
10:20 PM
Friday, April 06, 2007
IEEEEEEEEEE!!!
I feel like blogging, but have nothing to blog about. there have been some bloggable topics that surfaced along the way, but never got down to being consolidated.
for the time being, for my own leisure rather than accountability to anyone, i am going to make a list of reasons why i have nothing to blog. why don't you, who is reading my blog now, marvel at the irony of it:
for your sake and for my sanity, you don't want to hear about International Economics (i.e. IE).
i have been occupying myself with things mostly related to International Economics.
the entry i've been wanting to pen down on child soldiering in Uganda will take some time.
Cooking Mama is so fun, i don't even know where to begin raving about it.
International Economics has created an aura around my brain that prevents the penetration of creative thoughts.
International Economics has drained whatever recesses of enthusiasm for blogging.
oh. sorry, i forgot you didn't want to hear about International Economics.
12:11 AM
Descant
Will your anchor hold
In the storms of life?
When the clouds unfold
Their wings of strife?
When the strong tides lift
And the cables strain
Will your anchor drift,
Or firm remain?
We have an anchor
That keeps the soul
Steadfast and sure
While the billows roll
Fastened to the Rock
Which cannot move
Grounded firm and deep
In the Saviour's love